An Englishman and his spaniel

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Re: Be clean! No, not there, not now...!

I was just doing what I was told! Boy, some things really don't make sense at all! Arf!

Monday, December 25, 2006

re: Beacon Tarn, Coniston: route and photgraphs

Nevermind all that stuff, let me put explain the route a bit more simply...

Great smells: fern, grass, and sheep, and then water, wayhey! Larked around in the water for a while, ate some sheep pooh (master didn't see that... hehehehe, very tasty), more smells, WHAT, OH YES, GOT YER! BLAST missed, shame nearly got that grouse, jumped in the car, slept... aah, doggy heaven, arf!.

Sheep grading*: 5

*Spaniel owners tend to worry about the number of sheep they see on a dog walk, as they seem to think that we will chase them. My master is very annoying when it comes to this, as he puts me on my lead as soon as he sees sheep, which does my nut in! Sorry, but we're just not interested in them, we like birds. Get it?

If you're worried about that sort of thing, a sheep grading of 0 means that there were no sheep on the walk. A sheep grading of 10 means, there were pesky sheep everywhere.

Be clean! No, not there, not now...!

To the uninitiated, the words 'be clean' can be used as a command for your dog to pass it's movements. In principle, this is a great command, because with a bit of training you can train your dog to relieve itself in particular places at particular times. For example, imagine it is a bitterly cold snowy day, it is freezing cold and you just want your dog to do it's business and then get back inside as quickly as you can. Great in theory, but in practice, things can go awry...

Just the other week, Liz and I left Jess with some friends while we went away for the weekend. Our friends seemed to have become quite fond of our little Jessie despite her general spaniel cheekiness. Even Phoebe, their fox-like dog, seems to get on quite well with her, but Phoebe is a generally well-balanced and tolerant individual who has experienced a lot in life, even living in downtown Manhattan where she chilled our with her fellow homies in the dog parks [Phoebe is from Cumbria in the UK].

By the end of our weekend away we were desperate to head back home and pick up our little Jessie, but little did we know of the embarrasing incident to follow. Prior to our departure from our friends home, we all gathered in the kitchen and our friends told us how great Jess had been and that she could come to stay anytime. During the discussion, I explained how great Jess was at relieving herself on command, why I chose to discuss this I really don't know. During my explanation, one of our friends exclaimed "what... be clean?, how funny!". Five seconds later, she shrieked, 'oh my ...., Jess is crapping on the...!'. We turned round to see Jess coiled up and happily crapping on a very grand turkish rug. Liz and I were completely mortified. Jess, bless her, looked a bit confused, as she was just doing as she had been told, but she just couldn't quite understand the shrieks of 'NOoooooooo!'. Needless to say, we apologised profusely, whisked Jess off the rug, tidied up her mess and departed as quickly as you could say 'Oh my .... Jess is crapping on the...'. Jess is now in therapy and doing very well. I feel like a bad parent...

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